We all feel anxious at some point. This is normal and to no extent can it harm our lives. However, if you are an anxiety sufferer then anxiety and sex are two things that can come together to create a problem. And so to be safe it is important to understand the problem of anxiety and sex before it is too late.
There is a natural human desire to please a partner. We all like the feeling of being desired and we want to please our partners by giving them something of value that they like. The idea that the act of sex alone is worth giving anything and that there is no satisfaction in a relationship unless you are physically attracted to one another is the most common misconception about the sexual relationship. For men and women it is important to be able to give each other pleasure in order to reach satisfaction.
If anxiety is held against us, we tend to look for reasons why we aren’t as happy with our sexual satisfaction as we should be. Anxiety can hold us back from even kissing a partner or from participating in foreplay that can produce a climax that is beyond anything we had imagined.
Anxiety can make it difficult to relax so we feel tense and there is no sexual tension. Anxiety can also bring about feelings of guilt or shame that we don’t necessarily need to have because we know it is not really true. We are the ones who are making it true.
Sexual anxiety can often result in not wanting to engage in sex because it is stressful and uncomfortable. And so, while you feel good when you are relaxed and happy with yourself, your partner may notice anxiety and not be as keen on intimacy.
It is also important to realize that feelings of anxiety can bring about changes in our sexual life. At times we may find that we are tired, have poor self-esteem, have low self-confidence, and so on. These feelings can really affect our emotional well-being. So it is important to be open to the possibility that your anxiety might have changed and that these worries might be responsible for a change in your sexual habits.
So how do we deal with this anxiety and keep our sexual intimacy going? And how do we deal with it if we are anxiety sufferers?
You can look at your anxiety and sexual intimacy as a learning experience. As you get better you will become more comfortable with intimacy and have more energy to allow intimacy without feeling anxiety.
Anxiety also can affect your eating habits. In the long run it can be quite damaging to our relationships. So it is important to pay attention to eating habits to see what causes you anxiety and how to work on it to reduce your anxiety and to be happier in the relationship.
When anxiety attacks you can also try changing your sleeping patterns, try an old-fashioned bedtime ritual, yoga, meditation, or even an activity that you have been doing since childhood that gives you relaxation. By slowing down a bit you can find out how to relax. And if you go along with this, then you might also notice that relaxation is easier to achieve and keep up with.
There are several books on the market today that offer techniques for helping couples to control their anxiety around sex. The latest book by Clive Clark, called “In Your Bed”, offers techniques that have helped couples in an array of different relationships. One of the techniques is to learn what the triggers are for anxiety, so that you can learn how to avoid them and take care of anxiety early so that it doesn’t affect the sexual encounter.
And you can take it one step further and seek help to overcome anxiety so that you are more comfortable during your sexual experiences. There are plenty of mental, physical, and spiritual tools that are available to help you learn to be more relaxed in the bedroom and to deal with your anxiety more effectively in your relationships.